TRUTHS ABOUT BOUNDARIES…
One of the truths, is: the boundaries you create ARE FOR YOU, not for the other person.
Boundaries are guidelines for management of our own insecurities, our well-being and comfort, rather than as restrictions imposed on others.
WHY DO WE NEED TO HAVE BOUNDARIES?
Boundaries are invisible lines, that define the space that we operate in, and the outer limits to which we own our space. A space were we feel respected, honored, safe and at home.
They establish the limits of what we are willing to accept in terms of behavior, interactions, and personal space.
BOUNDARY TRUTHS
TRUTH 1. – Boundaries Do Not Exist In Terms Of Your True Self, Your Soul Self
As your true self, boundaries do not exist, so there is no need for them. As your soul self, you embody a state beyond limits, rendering boundaries obsolete.
Your true self, is complete, whole, limitless, and inherently pure. But how does this concept relate to the notion of boundaries?
As your true self, you lack attachment, you have no need for anything, embracing acceptance for every soul while honoring and their individuality. Mutual respect flows effortlessly, resulting in boundaries not even being a concept.
This is your natural state, so neither you nor any other soul experience adverse impacts from your interactions.
The purity of your intentions and feeling complete just as you are, is why you don’t need to set boundaries.
TRUTH 2. – Boundaries Are A Human Concept And Need
You, distanced yourself from your true self, at an early age, caused by messages of rejection that you experienced. These messages led you to believe that your true and natural self wasn’t acceptable, causing you to disconnect from it and adopt what we call your “human self.”
Your human self is shaped by conditioning—it’s the version of you that learned what was considered acceptable or not, right or wrong, based on the beliefs of others. You were conditioned in how you behave, communicate, process information, perceive the world, and present yourself to others.
Over time, this conditioning became your normal way of being.Conditioning shapes what you perceive as normal—it guides you to do what is deemed right or acceptable by others, even if it conflicts with your true self.
In navigating life through this lens, you end up creating a version of normalcy that is not necessarily aligned with your natural inclinations or true self.
You permitted and accepted treatment from others that didn’t honor your worth. You found yourself engaged in experiences that didn’t align with your true self, and you acted in ways that weren’t genuinely right for you.
All these occurrences stem from you following what you considered normal—your conditioning—rather than following what was natural to you.
Had you remained connected to your true self, you would have always done what’s right and right for you and acted in ways that honor your well-being and true self.
TRUTH 3. – You Need Boundaries Because Of What You Allowed, Accepted and Tolerated
When you became conditioned and separated from your true self, your choices and behaviors were significantly influenced, even driven, by emotional processes that emerged from this disconnection.
You learned to allow, accept and tolerate behaviors that don’t honor and respect your true self or your human self.
This resulted in the need for you to have boundaries.
Lack Of Self-Worth
A lack of self-worth was one of the impacts of your disconnection from your true self, leading to the need for boundaries.
You may have accepted treatment that disrespected you because, consciously or unconsciously, you believed you deserved it.
A lack of self-worth was one of the impacts of your disconnection from your true self, leading to the need for boundaries.
You may have accepted treatment that disrespected you because, consciously or unconsciously, you believed you deserved it.
Alternatively, you might have tolerated such treatment because you clung to the few positive experiences amidst the disrespect, convincing yourself that you only deserved scraps of goodness.
Putting others before yourself may have been a result of believing they were more important, or their need was greater than yours, often at your own expense.
Consequently, you acted on, accepted, received, allowed and tolerated treatment that you didn’t truly deserve.
CHECK OUT THE SELF-WORTH VALIDATION TRACKER, TO IDENTIFY WHERE YOU PEOPLE VALUE YOU, AND WHERE YOU DON’T NEED BOUNDARIES
Vulnerability
Your vulnerability played a significant role in what you allowed, accepted, and tolerated in your life.
The fear of abandonment and rejection, led you to tolerate mistreatment because you worried that if those individuals left, you might end up alone without any friends or love.
Additionally, you feared losing what little you had, prompting you to cling desperately to it, even if it meant sacrificing your well-being.
Furthermore, you hesitated to prioritize yourself and stand up for what was right because of the fear of judgment and rejection.
This fear paralyzed you, preventing you from asserting your needs and doing what was right for you, resulting in the need for boundaries.
Neediness
Your lack of self-worth left emotional wounds and holes within you because you didn’t receive what you truly deserved.
Consequently, you became needy, seeking to fill these holes and obtain what you had gone without.
YOUR NEEDINESS COMPOUNDED YOUR LACK OF SELF-WORTH AND VULNERABILITY.
- You prioritized others, hoping to gain their validation, importance, and love, thus fulfilling your need to feel valued.
- You also tolerated mistreatment in the hope of feeling loved, safe, and secure by having them in your life.
Your neediness evolved into a cycle of powerlessness, perhaps even leading you to deny or downplay your own needs.
This PATTERN OF NEEDINESS influenced you to engage in behaviors that didn’t respect or honor your true self.
However, by acknowledging and embracing your neediness, you reclaim your power and regain the ability to prioritize yourself and act in ways that honor your well-being.
TRUTH 4. – Boundaries Are For You Not The Other Person
All your emotional processing, conditioning, and disconnection from your true self had a profound impact on you.
It affected your ability to trust yourself in discerning what was right for you. As your self-trust dissolved, you relied more on trusting others.
Your belief and confidence in making choices, asserting yourself, and taking actions aligned with your truth diminished. This led to self-judgment and self-rejection, resulting in both conscious and unconscious decisions to allow others to significantly influence you.
These influences impacted your self-worth, confidence, physical well-being, emotions, energy levels, the way you lived your life and doing what is right for you.
You allowed, accepted and tolerated this happening to you, you made these choices.
THE TRUTH ABOUT BOUNDARIES IS YOU NEED THEM TO STOP YOU…
To prevent yourself from accepting, receiving, getting involved in, or making choices that aren’t right for you.
It’s crucial to recognize that others didn’t force these actions upon you; you allowed them.
BUT IF YOU BELIEVE YOU NEED THEM, THEN KNOW THIS IS AN AMAZING STEP IN RESPECTING, VALUING AND HONORING YOURSELF
TRUTH 5. – Focusing The Reason For Your Boundaries On The Other Person, Dilutes Your Power
Many people tend to attribute their need for boundaries to others’ actions.
When the focus is solely on the other person—what they did to you, how they treated you, and what they failed to appreciate—it shifts attention away from yourself.
It’s important to acknowledge and address the impacts these experiences have had on you, working through and healing from them.
However, if your focus remains solely on the other person, you neglect to take full responsibility for your choices.
The fundamental truth behind needing boundaries is to prevent yourself from repeating past patterns of allowing, accepting, and engaging in behaviors that aren’t aligned with your well-being.
By directing your focus inward, you reclaim personal responsibility and power. This shift enables you to detach emotionally from the other person’s actions and empowers you to make choices that align with your needs and values.
The fundamental truth behind needing boundaries is to prevent yourself from repeating past patterns of allowing, accepting, and engaging in behaviors that aren’t aligned with your well-being and true self.
TRUTH 6. – Boundaries Focus On YOU and Others
WHAT YOU DO OR DON’T DO
- What you do or don’t do for yourself and for others
- Who you choose to be around
- What you choose to be involved in
- How far you will go in your interactions, involvement and engagement
- What you give and or share
- And what you choose to do and say
- The responsibilities you choose and how much responsibility you will fulfil
THE PEOPLE INTERACTING WITH YOU
- In what way, how much, how often, and how close you allow others in
- What you choose to receive, accept and allow
TRUTH 7. – Boundaries Are Protection, Control And Limitation
A BOUNDARY DEFINES THE LIMITS OF SOMETHING!
The intention is to protect yourself from repeating patterns where you allowed, received, accepted and tolerated behaviors and approaches that diminished your self-worth where you were not honored.
However, in the act of self-protection and putting up boundaries, you can inadvertently become defensive and restrict yourself. You approach situations with caution, being careful rather than mindful and you operate from a place of vulnerability rather than personal strength and empowerment.In setting boundaries you can be rejecting the parts of yourself that led to the need for those boundaries in the first place. Yet, rejecting these aspects only perpetuates their influence instead of facilitating healing.
To truly heal and go beyond the emotions underlying the need for boundaries, it’s crucial to accept and love all parts of yourself unconditionally. By embracing these aspects with compassion, you pave the way for genuine healing and growth and strengthening of the connection with your true self.
To truly heal and go beyond the emotions underlying the need for boundaries, it’s crucial to accept and love all parts of yourself unconditionally. By embracing these aspects with compassion, you pave the way for genuine healing and growth and strengthening of the connection with your true self.
TRUTH 8. – If You Always Do Right By Yourself, And Operate From A Place Of Self-Worth, You Don’t Need Boundaries
Boundaries aren’t wrong; in fact, they can be crucial for personal growth. They serve as stepping stones toward a place where you may no longer need them.
Rather than viewing boundaries as restrictive measures that unconsciously lead to self-protection and defensiveness, consider a different perspective.
What if you shifted your focus to nurturing your self-worth, reconnecting with your true self, and getting to know you?
Prioritize doing what’s right for you.
This approach is expansive, inclusive, and empowering. It encourages gentleness, respect, and self-honoring behavior toward yourself and others.
Remember, your true self is limitless, and in that state, boundaries dissolve. When you’re connected to your true self, you naturally always do right by yourself.
In contrast, boundaries can feel rigid, challenging, and potentially harmful to both yourself and others.
Choosing to do right by yourself is a natural, fluid process characterized by acceptance, gentleness, and respect.
TRUTH 9. – It Is Your Choice – Set Boundaries Or Do Right By Yourself?
Dive In And Explore More About Boundaries, Check Out The IMAD Podcast Episode Version Of The Truth About Boundaries
Melinda Cates
Founder and creator of I Make a Difference and your true self empowerment facilitator. If you are interested in delving into the processes within you that require your attention for healing, unraveling and reconnecting on your journey back to your true self, then make sure you join the I Make a Difference community – Connect Now!
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