Do you struggle to recognize your worth and value, in what you do and more importantly in who you are?
Do you experience feelings of unworthiness, and not being of value even though deep down inside you know otherwise?
This struggle to acknowledge your worth and value stems from how your worth and value were diluted by what others said and how they treated you. They created deep-seated patterns, conditioned responses, and persistent self-talk, filled with the voices of others and our own, telling us we’re not enough.
But what if one key to unlocking and knowing your value lies, not only within yourself but also in the eyes of those around us?
What if you received some help from others to discover your value and worth through their experience of you?”
The Invisible Contributions: When Self-Worth Goes Unnoticed
If your value and worth weren’t reflected back to you, then potentially a pattern of value emerged at a young age, where you contributed in ways that people received and accepted from you – thus prioritizing others’ needs above your own.
This became your conditioned way of being of worth which is completely understandable given your value and worth had been diluted and you had no other reference point.
So you searched for your value through doing things externally because you struggled to find your value internally. You became a master of:
- Protecting others: Shielding loved ones from pain—emotionally, mentally, and even physically—often at your own expense.
- Providing for others: Pouring your energy into ensuring everyone else’s needs are met, frequently neglecting your own well-being in the process.
- Listening intently: Offering a compassionate ear and unwavering support, becoming the emotional pillar for others.
- Fighting for others: You became their advocate, their champion, battling their battles even when it meant sacrificing your own peace and battling your own alone.
- People-pleasing: You learned to keep people happy, take responsibility for their emotional well-being, and adapt your behavior to gain approval, often suppressing your own needs.
What you learned, what you did, is not wrong. Your actions came from a place of good intention, of wanting to be of worth and value, wanting to be loved.
But they came at a cost to you.
Constantly putting others first can lead to an dilution of your self-worth and a reinforcement of a lack of it. Your own needs, desires, and accomplishments potentially got pushed aside, your contributions becoming invisible, even to yourself. And for others, they became conditioned to expect it from you.
Even more importantly, you still potentially did not see, feel, hear, and experience your true and intrinsic worth and value.
Beyond Doing: Recognizing The Worth Inherent In Being
Society is changing; beliefs about our worth are evolving. Yet, even with this knowledge, our patterns of conditioning, where we equate our worth with our achievements, our productivity, or our ability to “do” for others, can be engrained and unconscious.
We find ourselves trapped in a cycle of striving, achieving, and checking things off our never-ending to-do lists—all in pursuit of that elusive feeling of being enough.
My Doing - My need to be of value and worth
For a long time, I lived this struggle firsthand. I spent a large part of my life being the protector of others. This pattern was born out of a driven need to protect my mother from my father—physically and emotionally. When I stepped into that role, I felt a sense of value, believing that I had saved her, that I had worth because I certainly didn’t feel it in any other way.
However, as I continued to protect others, I began to see the consequences of my approach. My approach unintentionally protected them from their learnings, from the experiences that would allow them to grow and discover their own strength. I was protecting them from themselves.
Instead of being a source of worth and value, my actions were creating dependency and diminishing their self-worth, reinforcing their lack of value.
This realization left me feeling lost and adrift, questioning my purpose and my value. It wasn’t until I turned inward, shifting my focus from doing for others to understanding and embracing my own inherent worth, that I began to experience the value and worth of me.
You are inherently of worth and value simply by BEING
Your value isn’t contingent on external validation or a never-ending list of achievements.
The essence of who you are—your soul, your true self, your human self, your heart, your unique presence in this world—holds immense value, independent of your accomplishments or what you can offer others.
You potentially have no idea what you mean to others, let alone what you mean to you.
But how often do you pause to truly acknowledge and appreciate the inherent worth that resides within—the value of simply being yourself, regardless of external achievements?
The Power Of Seeing And Experiencing Yourself Through Others
If you struggle to identify your worth and value, if you experience a lack of self-worth…
From External Validation to Internal Knowing: A Gradual Shift
If you struggle to recognize your value and worth – both in what you do but more importantly in who you are at your core – seeing and experiencing what others do with you, can be profoundly illuminating.
Like a mirror revealing hidden facets of yourself, these external perspectives can highlight the very worth and value within you that you struggle to see and feel.
MAKE THIS EASIER FOR YOURSELF!
See, experience and feel what others see in you, to discover the value and worth of you!
From External Validation to Internal Knowing: A Gradual Shift
They see, hear and experience what you may be blind to.
The people in your life are the ones that know how you make them feel, the value of who you are and how you add value to their life.
They know your uniqueness and what is precious and valuable about you.
This process guides and assists you in connecting to and knowing your intrinsic worth and value.
However, relying solely on external validation is not a long-term option, as it creates and fuels dependency, reinforcing a lack of self-worth.
Basing your self-worth entirely on others’ opinions leaves you vulnerable to disappointment and insecurity.
The goal is to use the feedback and insight as stepping stones towards becoming empowered in knowing yourself, owning your worth and value, and creating a stronger, internal connection to your natural self-worth.
Here's how to bridge the gap between external validation and internal knowing:
- Intentional Listening: Open your senses to focus on seeing, hearing and feeling the compliments, expressions of gratitude, acknowledgements and genuine appreciation that others give you. Open yourself to receiving them and seeing in you what they see. Be aware of not dismissing them or brushing them aside.
- Reflective Processing: Take time to reflect on these instances of validation. What is it about and within you that is being acknowledged? How do these observations make you feel? What do they reveal about how others perceive you?
- See You: Identify what you value about who you are, and how you express yourself, interact and do. Be aware of not judging or comparing yourself, this is about owning your uniqueness and what is unique to you.
- Internalize the Validation: As you recognize the value others see in you – both in what you do and who you are – make a conscious effort to own and feel it internally. Take time to focus on how you express your value. Instead of relying on external sources to validate your worth, surrender into your value and worth feel it and experience these qualities within yourself.
Ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and uncover the depth of your inherent value?
If this blog has inspired you to take action in discovering more about your worth and value through the eyes of others, then you will want to check out the Self-Worth Validation Tracker.
This tracker is designed to elevate your ability to recognize the various ways people validate you, so you easily identify when others value and express the worth they see in you. It also explores how you respond to their validation, highlighting additional areas for growth in your self-worth and sense of deservedness.
Final Reflection!
When you feel moments of worthlessness, inadequacy, or not being good enough, take a moment to focus on how others validate you. Let their words, looks, and actions serve as a guiding hand to help you reconnect with the intrinsic value and worth that is within you – that is you
You are a person of worth and value because you are you!
Melinda Cates
Founder and creator of I Make a Difference and your true self empowerment facilitator. If you are interested in delving into the processes within you that require your attention for healing, unraveling and reconnecting on your journey back to your true self, then make sure you join the I Make a Difference community – Connect Now!
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2 thoughts on “Seeing Your Worth Through Others Eyes”
Such a resonant sharing which has supported me to reflect, nod and smile as I read the blog. Moments of recognising my own behaviours and responses and how over the course of my life there have clearly been times when I have been so reliant on external validation. I recognised that I have made many shifts towards seeing my own value and worth yet still, despite having experienced a greater sense of self validation, there are times when vulnerability kicks in and that old voice of neediness for recognition and seeking the validation of others (usually in a work context!) shouts louder than my own knowing. I have loved reading this reminder Minz to trust my knowing and make space for affirming for myself that I am more than enough in my own uniqueness – thankyou
Dear Barb
Thank you so much for sharing your processing and your journey. For your rawness, truth and transparency. It is a journey, and it is so ok to still be needy of the validation, but owning it, as I know you do. Yes trusting your knowing and affirming yourself, as your unqiueness is radiant, and shine so brightly, because you do own it so graciously.
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